Mercy Street, by Peter Gabriel

I started this as a typical me run-on post on Kactus's Superbabymama, in response to this video of "Tajabone" from the movie Todo Sobre Mi Madre. Then I realized this is all about me, and it belongs here.

Kactus got me to think about songs that have jumped out and taken me by the throat. I don't know how to link to a video, or even the music, but I bet you probably know this one, Kactus:
"Mercy Street"
I only guess that because you like Laurie Anderson, whom the articles say he hung around with in this period, late '80s.

See, I don't know anything much about the politics of which artists are cool and which aren't among whom either. That was pretty much Natasha's department. I think she had all the back story of anyone, actor, songwriter, movie folk, ready to pop out and she kept it all straight.

All I know is this. A fellow Dabney House resident, a guy I looked up to, was playing this one day. Actually I didn't know where it was coming from, I just followed the sound like a fish on a line, and listened to it. I got the words pretty well in my memory but I wasn't sure--I don't know whether Gabriel just sung it so clearly I heard them all or whether the lyrics were written on the album--probably the latter.

Apparently I "know" as much as anyone about what the song "means."

Well, I just read Anne Sexton's poem "45 Mercy Street" for the first time ever just now.

I don't think it would be fair for me to say anything much about what the poem means, even just to me, just this second.

But here's what I found in the song:

Though I could figure out that Sexton was a suicidal poet readily enough at the time, and it has a plaintive, minor undertone, for me this song was like clean water, clear light, liberation. I hear all the darkness, all the despair (well, I get that it's there anyway) but actually what the song did for me was crystallize the positive vision of "materialism" in the Marxist sense.

See--

"looking down on empty streets, all she can see
are the dreams all made
solid
are the dreams all made real

all of the buildings, all of those
cars
were once just a dream
in somebody's head..."

That got me. I know I'm supposed to hear it all post-modernist, that the "dreams" of these other people are some kind of narrative trip that composes our world, this world that leaves us empty, despairing, miserable. But the first thing I felt was that it affirmed the worth of dreaming, of building, of striving. You can make your dreams solid and real. "Words support like bone." Because, I felt, words can be true words, honest words. Promises can be kept.

Anne doesn't find her worthwhile life in this world. Her life, her soul, is broken. The poem is about her fruitless search for 45 Mercy Street, the home she remembers, the place where she was loved and had meaning, and she doesn't find it. The last verses imply she "fails." She dies. The boat with her father is Charon's ferry to the underworld.

And yet--I felt that, I got that. But more important to me was the vision that whether we find it or not, the solid dreams are still there somehow. If we fail to get them, to build them and nurture them, in this life of ours, still truth and meaning go on somewhere out there. Maybe there is redemption and hope for us too. At any rate there is beauty, even if we have to rip our hearts out to see it.
It meant a lot to me.

Maybe I should revisit this.

Actually maybe I should blog it instead of clutter up Kactus's comments.
OK here goes. Select! Cut! Paste! Voila le blog-poste!

My First Checklist Meme

As stolen from the adorable Kactus at Superbabymama.

The Checklist
(just bold everything you've accomplished in your life.)

1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swum with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain (well a big stone hill anyway--the Donnersberg at Dannenfels in Rheinland-Pfalz)
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula (maybe...)
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (not really--I gave Natasha such a bath once, when the power went out while she was having one, and cracked a mirror the candle was too close to.
8. Said "I love you" and meant it (absolutely!)
9. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (well, the storm was at sea, and I was very foolishly driving on the US 98 next to it as waves washed over the bridges...)
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights (from the air)
15. Gone to a huge sports game (but I didn't like it much)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon (no, but I've helped one land)
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can--so my landlord said anyway, and he was not happy about it.
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was wasted
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River - or was it the Colorado River?
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Eaten fugu (pufferfish)
89. Had a one-night stand
90. Gone to Thailand
91. Bought a house
92. Been in a combat zone
93. Buried one/both of your parents
94. Been on a cruise ship
95. Spoken more than one language fluently
96. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
97. Raised children
98. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read something they wrote
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care--that was Natasha's worse nightmare, at least she was spared that.
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life--according to Natasha's doctor, yes. But only for 5 days.

The moral of the story--I wish I were as adventurous as Kactus.